BERTIE It's an English tradition We like to say hallo We hope by shaking hands that we'll recall your name We work on that basis, remembering faces But that's about all I know you're somebody something It's on the tip of my tongue You're either Edith Sitwell or the Bow Street Beak I'll know who you are, the moment you speak ... But meanwhile, just put in right there How do you do?
BUDGE How do you do?
GUSSIE How do you do?
BERTIE Hallo again...
BUDGE How goes it all?
GUSSIE Good day to you
BERTIE You keeping fit?
BUDGE So great to meet you
GUSSIE It's been an age
BERTIE A tiny world
BUDGE How do you -
GUSSIE How do you -
BERTIE How do you -
BUDGE How do you -
ALL How do you do?
BUDGE How's life with you?
GUSSIE Good evening all
BERTIE You're looking well
BUDGE Well, hi there, stranger
GUSSIE Surprise, surprise
BERTIE What could be nicer, meeting like this? I confess I've forgotten Who on earth you can be It could be you're Nijinsky or the man next door-
BUDGE How do you -
GUSSIE How do you -
BERTIE How do you -
BUDGE How do you -
ALL How do you do?
GUSSIE You're either Pablo Picasso
BUDGE Or maybe Harpo Marx
BERTIE You might be Sarah Bernhardt - no, you're Wittgenstein
GUSSIE Whoever I am though, the pleasure's all mine
BUDGE Let's take it and shake it right there
BERTIE Well, fancy this
GUSSIE It's surely not?
BUDGE I can't believe
BERTIE Good Lord alive!
GUSSIE How long's it been?
BUDGE You've hardly changed
BERTIE You've lost some weight
GUSSIE I can't believe it!
BUDGE It's been a while
BERTIE You're just the same
BUDGE How do you -
GUSSIE How do you -
BERTIE How do you -
BUDGE How do you -
ALL How do you do?
GUSSIE What brings you here?
BERTIE How's life back home?
BUDGE How's business been?
GUSSIE And how's your father?
BERTIE My sainted aunt! What could be better, meeting like this? Though I haven't an inkling Not a clue who you are You could be Amy Johnson
BUDGE No, I'm Al Capone. How do you -
GUSSIE How do you -
BERTIE How do you -
BUDGE How do you -
ALL How do you do?
BUDGE Aren't you Marlene Dietrich?
GUSSIE I think I'm Bernard Shaw
BERTIE It really doesn't matter who on earth you are The truth of it all is our friendship's been far Too long now to bother with names It's just another episode In the Wooster moral code Let's extend the hand of greeting