He's a serious Mister shake his hand and he'll twist your arm with monopoly money we'll be buying the funny farm So I'll do flips, and get paid in chips from a diamond as big as the Ritz-- then I'm calling it quits Eyes the color of candy lies to cover the handicap though your slippers are ruby you'll be led to the booby trap And there's no prize, just a smaller size so I'm wearing the shoe til it fits-- then I'm calling it quits Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines lifting dialogue from Judy Garland storylines where get-tough girls turn into goldmines But oh, those polaroid babies taking chances with rabies happy to tear me to bits-- well, I'm calling it quits Yes, I'm calling it quits.