Allan Sherman - Good Advice | Текст песни

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• Allan Sherman
• Good Advice

I know a man named Otis, who invented a room
And his heart was filled with pride
I said to Mr. Otis, "What does your room do?"
He said, "It goes from side to side"

So I said, "Mr. Otis, if you take my advice
You'll be the richest man in town
You gotta take that room that goes from side to side
And make it go up and down"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
I sincerely doubt, that the world could do without my good advice

Sir Isaac Newton came around to my house one day
His face was all sunburned and red
He said he didn't want to sleep in the shade of a tree
Because an apple might fall on his head

I said, "Sir Isaac, you dumbbell, take my advice
Go right back there and sleep beneath that tree
And if you let that rotten apple fall down on your head
Why you'll discover gravity"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
The world's a better place, since I gave the human race my good advice

A man named Mr. Waterman, invented a tube
He was sad because it sprung a little leak
He said, "Darn it, when I hold my tube on a piece of paper
The ink leaks out and makes a little streak"

He said, "I've gotta find a way to stop that leak
I'll start working on my leak proof tube again"
I said, "Waterman, you idiot, don't stop that leak
You just invented a fountain pen"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
I'm so worldly wise, I should get the Nobel Prize for good advice

Good old Henry Ford, he was a hardworking man
He worked all night and all day
I said, "Henry, watcha doin'?"
And Henry, he said, "I'm inventing the Chevrolet"

He said, "I've already built twenty-five models
One for each letter from A to Z"
I said, "Henry, you fool, there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet
He said, "Good heavens, I forgot the Model T"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
It's fruitful as can be and it's absolutely free, my good advice

Wilbur and Orville were two brothers, named Wright
The nicest pair of kids you've ever seen
They worked twelve years on a secret project
They thought it was a washing machine

I said, "Fellas, what are all those wings for?"
They said, "For hanging clothes out to dry"
I said, "You fools, take that washing machine out to Kitty Hawk
And see if the darn thing'll fly"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
I'm so smart that I'm gonna win a Guggenheim for good advice

Benjamin Franklin was a charming old man
He was always flying his kite
One night I said, "Benjy, why ain't you out with your kite?"
He said, "Because it's raining tonight"

I said, "Benjy, sweety, you go right back out there
And to your kite string, tie a key
This may shock you, Benjy, my boy
But that's electricity"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
I'll re model you, if you'll only listen to my good advice

Ooga Magoog was a Neanderthal man
A very poorly educated soul
He had a great big square thing made of solid stone
And in the middle of it was a hole

One day he had to go from his cave in Natchez
To his uncle's cave in Mobile
I said, "Round off those corners
And buy a set of tires
And Ooky baby, that's a wheel"

And that was good advice, good advice
Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
Harvard offered me a Phi Beta Kappa key for good advice

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