It's amazing how pretty You looked on that night. Your skirt was so short And your top was so tight. I bought you a drink And we danced on the floor, We pulled and you came back To mine for some more. Your skirt ended up On the living room chairs, And your top and your bra -- They came off on the stairs. And though you looked fit With your clothes on... Man, I was a fool 'Cause you look like shit When you wear nothing at all
All the clothes you wore Looked a million dollars, But the body beneath -- It looks just like Rick Waller's. The makeup you wear Is a clever disguise To hide your mustache And the squint in your eyes. Your cellulite's dreadful, You're covered in zits and Your stomach's about As defined as quicksand. If I'm being honest your tits Are unacceptably small. So you look like shit When you wear nothing at all.
When we went back to mine I was up for a shag: In the bedroom I realized -- You're a dumpy old slag. Your pubes reach your navel And they cover your thighs. Didn't know they made arses that size. When we met on that night I can swear that I never Would've guessed you're A female Andrew Lloyd Weber. The hair on your chest's A bit endocrinlological. And you look like shit When you wear nothing at all.
Your teeth are all yellow With bloody great gaps, so Your face is a picture By Pablo Picasso. I can see that your arse Has its own gravitational pull. And you look like shit When you wear nothing at all.