American Dad - Trapped in the Locker | Текст песни

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• American Dad
• Trapped in the Locker

3:30 in the afternoon
I should be doing my homework, inside my own room
But, bad luck got me messed up
I’m in the locker room and now im stuck
Guess I’m a goner now
See, I was walking Snot was talking, I remembered something
I forgot to grab my wallet because I was rushin
Then he said Im finnin go my grandma’s house
I shrugged and I turned around, back to the school but then who did I found
(Murtz)
Oh no, this not who I want to see
Was running ‘til I saw an opening
And now the whole soccer team’s bound to freak
She’s approaching the locker
They’re done practicing soccer
She’s opening the locker
Wish there was some way to block her
So, these girls pull me out of the locker talking bout what the hell you doing up in here?
Im like, hold up b*tch, you need to lower your voice ‘til I make myself clear
She’s like, woah who you calling a b*tch?
I’m like you
She like who?
I’m like you b*itch, wait hold up let me explain all the shit I’ve been going through
Now let’s start over, my name’s Steve, it’s nice to meet you ladies
Cut that bull crap Steve, we know that you’ve been acting shady
So listen close, ‘cause this what we are gonna do
When someone is creeping we call in Jewel
Not Jewel!
Yes Jewel
Oh no!
Jewel looks like a grown ass man
Fourteen years old, at least 250 pounds
She’s coming at me and this is where things start to get foolish
The roof caved in, on top of her, oh my God, it’s Lewis!
3:47, in Principal Lewis’ room
This fool is having a panic attack, I hope this is over soon
He was talking about, budget cuts, no pest control for months
I wasn’t perving or looking at butts
I was in the A.C., hunting for rats I swear to God
Man, that’s your business, not my business, I don’t need no update
I got a new woman so we need to get our stories straight
We? What the f*ck you talking ‘bout man? There’s no we
Steve, if my new woman here about this, she gonna leave
Wait, what the heck was that?
Sounded like a rat
Then he pulled out a Jericho nine millimeter, started busting
And just when I thought it couldn’t get more scary
When he opened the door, the rat turned out to be secretary Mary
So I’m, speeding down the street reaching for my phone about to have a fit
I’m calling the one dude who can help me out of this mess
B’ring! Come on Snot, I need you (b’ring) to pick up the damn phone right now
And the next part’s so jacked up that it hurts!
The dude that picked up wasn’t Snot, it was Murtz!
Im tripping, what the heck is going on?
Maybe I called the wrong number and got the wrong phone
But, the doors are open, smells like potpourri
I walk in and what do I see? Snot and Murtz playing Risk!
Im betrayed, my favorite game you’re playing with this bully
What? Now you’re all close? Wait-
You’re drinking milk and cookies?!
Snot was like, listen-
No no, no no noooo
I can explain
Well then, go ahead and explain yourself
Then Murtz jumped up, said I’ll explain so that you two will cool it
See his dad died and my dad died and Risk in therapeutic
I was like, Amen
Snot was like, Amen to that, I love Risk
I love Risk too
Damn, you all bonded over Risk, that’s beautif-
Principal Lewis kicked in the door
Waving a .44, talking ‘bout don’t speak, don’t move no more
But Snot’s mom came in and said Lewis baby put down that gun and uncock it
And that’s when we noticed, they was wearing the very same locket (locket)
Now we all on the floor feelin clueless
It’s hard to believe that Snot’s mom was banging Lewis
Then Lewis says, it’s been a hell of a day, I’m glad this whole thing is out
Wait, why you wearing a negligee?
How you even know that you was fittin to see me?
And whose clothes are those thrown over the TV?
And Snot’s mom was like, but-but-but-but-but-but stuttering all over the place
And Lewis said, girl unless you got Parkinson’s start talking straight
Baby is everything okay?
Wait, hold up. I know this ain’t the dude that’s the reason for the cabaret lingerie
Then Lewis starts waving his gun around and busting shots off in the closet
Then Greg fell out, cried Avery how could you be so dishonest?
Snot’s mom screamed
Now, Greg’s pager’s flashing blue, he says my bae’s got a clue
Next thing his man is in the room
Seven minutes later, twelve adults with they guns out
Talking about you f*cked her and I f*cked him while they all scream and shout
Then, Principal Lewis started laughing
Just sitting there, giggling to himself just laughing
He said, well now that we’ve all made the connection
I hope everybody was using protection
And they all started laughing because of course nobody had
Snot’s mom, Greg and Stelio and this new couple Gina and Chad
They was all just laughing
Just giggling and laughing
And we snuck out while they was laughing