She's smooth as the gravel on a roadside creek bank Sweet as a flower on a knotty pine casket
She's hot as the fire on the end of a cigarette Rich as a church's Wednesday night basket
And there ain't no man who can get his head around it
She's sharp as the blade on a mountain man's knife Sour as an apple in a homemade pie Mean as a snake in a small town zoo
Ain't nobody that could ever get to her heart
She's bright as a moon on a hungover morning Clean as a mouth on a welfare baby
She's slick as the leather on a cowgirl's holster Quick as a tongue on a johnny-come-lately
And there ain't no man ever gonna win that lady
She's pure as the water in a golf course pond Safe as a tiger with a fifty dollar bond Deep as a sole of a worn out shoe
Ain't nobody that could fall into her arms
Proud as a loser in a locker room Sober as a drink of homemade wine
Sturdy as a trailer in a hurricane Sweet as the smell of turpentine
She's real as a movie with a happy ending Fickle as a bulb on a dashboard light Pretty as snow on Easter Sunday Silly as a girl who can't make up her mind
And there ain't no man who can look her in the eye
She's sad as a smile on a birthday clown Busy as a saddle in a one horse town Straight as a picture on a blind man's wall