Vera and Mame: We’ll always be bosom buddies, Friends, sisters and pals; We’ll always be bosom buddies, If life should reject you, There’s me to protect you. Vera: If I say that your tongue is vicious, Mame: If I call you uncouth; Vera and Mame: It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy Will sit down and tell you the truth.
Vera (spoken): Tho’ now and again I’m aware that my candid opinion may sting, Mame (spoken): Tho’ often my frank observation might scald I’ve been meanin’ to tell you for years You should keep your hair natural like mine. Vera: If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald. (singing) But darling, Vera and Mame: We’ll always be dear companions, Vera: My crony, Mame: My mate; Vera and Mame: We’ll always be harmonizing, Vera: Orphan Annie and Sandy, Vera and Mame: Like Amos and Andy. Vera: If I say that your sense of style’s as far as off as your youth; It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy will tell you the whole stinkin’ truth.
Mame (spoken): Each time that a critic has written, “Your voice is the voice of a frog!” Straight to your side to defend you I rush; you know that I’m there ev’ry time that the world makes and unkind remark. When they say “Vera Charles is the world’s greatest lush!” (singing) It hurts me! Vera: And if I say your fangs are showing, Mame, pull in your claws. It’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy will notice the obvious flaws!
Mame (spoken): I feel it’s my duty to tell you it’s time to adjust to your age; you try to be “Peg O’ My Heart”, when you’re “Lady Macbeth.” Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth! Vera: Well, how old do you think?
Mame (spoken): Oh, I’d say somewhere in between forty and the death! Vera and Mame (singing): But sweetie, Vera: I’ll always be Alice Toklas, If you’ll be Gertrude Stein. And tho’ I’ll admit I’ve dished you, I’ve gossiped and gloated, But I’m so devoted. Mame: And if I say that sex and guts made you into a star, it’s simply that who else but a bosom buddy Will tell you how rotten you are. Vera and Mame: Just turn your bosom buddy for aid and affection, For help and direction, for loyalty, love and forsooth! Remember that who else but a bosom buddy Will sit down and level and give you the devil, Will sit down and tell you the truth!