the feelings i had for this place once unknown, remain as feelings i fear, rather than a place to feel home and while seasons keep dying i already stopped trying to get emotions in line everytime your eyes hit mine.
it's decisions i've made that caused both love and hate - for all that i am, for all that i am for all that i'm not, for ways that i cut, for every feeling i choked and the promises i broke
but to live - not survive - it's just impossible! but to live - not survive - as a part of this place is only bearable while i'm away.