I feel your ghost beside me as I take my aching steps into the sand. and as the waves take my breath I realize I can no longer stand. I remember when we sat on the shore. I watched your guilt pollute the sea, but I would keep pressing on and turn this vice to apathy.
The waves would come and consume us: you’d no longer see the beauty here, and I would start to drown you the harder I tried to keep you near.
I can’t stand with a broken spine. You’ll see my hands wither in time. And even though I know you’re gone, your presence lingers on. I can’t keep my languid lids lifted; I’ll sleep on the sand that I’ve searched and sifted, but you’ll still float through my dreams. You’ll swell up and over me.
I keep searching for the root that grew from the seed you planted. Dark things have grown up, cracked the pavement where we were standing.
There’s no place I feel at home- I’ve been torn away from everything I’ve known. My surroundings are re-arranged: strange places with familiar names.
And every night I wake up in cold sweat to find a spider in my bed. I like to think that it’s you trying to crawl inside my head.
Lover, this fracture forever shapes my skin. I’m cold and terrified as morning comes to watch me break again.
The morning brings such unique sorrow. I’m sick of watching the sun come up. No promise of a new day in tomorrow when I’m tired of waking up.
You left me with the weight of our sin. Now I have to bear this burden until the very end.