Princeton: What do you do with a B.A. in English? What is my life going to be? Four years of college and plenty of knowledge have earned me this useless degree. I can't pay the bills yet, 'cause I have no skills yet. The world is a big scary place...But somehow I can't shake the feeling I might make a difference to the human race! Kate Monster: Morning, Brian! Brian: Hi, Kate Monster. Kate: How's life? Brian: Disappointing! Kate: What's the matter? Brian: The catering company laid me off. Kate: Oh, I'm sorry! Brian: Me too! I mean, look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought - Kate: What? Brian: No, it sounds stupid. Kate: Aww, come on! Brian: When I was little I thought I would be... Kate: What? Brian: A big comedian on late night TV. But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see I'm not Kate: Nope! Brian: Oh Well, It sucks to be me. Kate: Nooo. Brian: It sucks to be me. Kate: No! Brian: It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty-three. It sucks to be me. Kate: Oh, you think your life sucks? Brian: I think so. Kate: Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kinda pretty and pretty damn smart. Brian: You are. Kate: Thanks! I like romantic things like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart. So why don't I have a boyfriend? Fuck! It sucks to be me! Brian: Me too. Kate: It sucks to be me. Brian: It sucks to be me. It sucks to be Brian... Kate: And Kate... Brian: To not have a job! Kate: To not have a date! Both: It sucks to be me. Brian: Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second? Rod: Ah, certainly. Kate: Whose life sucks more? Brian's or mine? Nicky and Rod: Ours! Rod: We live together. Nicky: We're as close as people can get. Rod: We've been the best of buddies... Nicky: Ever since the day we met. Rod: So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh, every day is an aggravation. Nicky: Come on, that's an exaggeration! Rod: You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair. Nicky: Oh yeah? You do such anal things like ironing your underwear. Rod: You make that very small apartment we share a hell. Nicky: So do you, that's why I'm in hell too! Rod: It sucks to be me! Nicky: No, it sucks to be me! Kate: It sucks to be me! Brian: It sucks to be me! All: Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me! Christmas Eve: Why you all so happy? Nicky: Because our lives suck! Christmas Eve: Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? Ha! I coming to this country for opportunities. Tried to work in Korean deli. But I am Japanese. But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees in social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients. And I have an unemployed fiance'! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me! It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Suck! It suck to be me! Princeton: Excuse me? Brian: Hey there. Princeton: Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live. Christmas Eve: Why you looking all the way out here? Princeton: Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign! Brian: You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him. Princeton: Great, thanks! Brian: Yo, Gary! Gary Coleman: I'm comin'! I'm comin'! Princeton: Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman! Gary Coleman: Yes I am! I'm Gary Coleman from TV's different strokes. I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here -The Superintendent&am