I should have known when I met you By the Orthodox synagogue I should have known when I saw you Buying extra lox at the bagel shop I should have known You’re not to blame I should have seen We’re not the same Doesn’t take an Einstein You’ve got the nose You’ve got the name The name is Steinstein I’m not sure what you want me to do But I think this worth working through And I know it’s a little bit out of the blue But I might as well try I think I could be Jewish for you Like on holidays I’ll stop baking gingerbread Start baking challah When Hanukkah comes I can light the mandala Menorah Excuse me If you could just choose me I’ll sing eidel deidel not fa la Yeah, as far as the culture I might need a clue But I’ll give it a shot Cuz I’ve got to be Jewish for you I’ll go with you to Temple I’ll try to learn Yiddish I’ll start eating kosher I’ll even play Quidditch No, that’s not a Jew thing Well, show me some new things I won’t be the slightest bit skittish I’ll do it by rote Till it feels like it’s true And till I’m ver clempt I’ll attempt to be Jewish for you I would be Irish or Russian or French or— No, Chinese is a bit of a stretch Just wait even your rabbi will Call me a mensch Did I mention I’ve been practicing my kvetch Oh, I will adapt where the average girl freezes Cuz if I have to have the “just friends” talk I’ll do it with Jesus Sorry, Jesus You’re just not my type Whatever they are I could learn to like latkes And if we have sons Then they’ll all have bar matzvahs Bar mitzvahs I’m joking I promise I know things Enough not to ruin chbotkas If that’s what it takes Then that’s what I’ll do Please don’t run away And one day I’ll be Jewish for you Tell me you’ve never questioned one holy command Tell me don’t you think love’s more romantic unplanned Just tell me you’re nervous We’ll start with a service Just tell me where you stand Tell me I need you Tell me in Hebrew Teach me l’chaim and horcrux and oi Just tell me why Instead of hi I’ll say shalom Till my hovel feels like home But I won’t say goodbye So here’s what I propose I’ll read through the Torah from cover to cover Till even Moses can see we were meant for each other You know I adore you So let me fight for you Together we’ll take on your mother It might be a prayer but A prayer can come true I dare you to dare me I swear I’ll come through When I’m with you there isn’t A thing I can’t do So if you’re inclined I won’t mind being Jewish for you