When someone tries to throw me shade I use a spell I learned on Wizards of Waverly Place Because I really am a witch I turn on the niceness Pretend I like em They don’t realize I am full of shit I kill em with kindness Til their body’s lifeless You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead now! When I treat someone kind they always die But I cannot be charged with a crime I get away with murder all the time Yeah, that’s right Instagram haters and Twitter trolls I direct message them a sweet hello And when they read it at first they’re smiling But soon they are dying I don’t use violence I kill em with kindness It’s worse than a kick in the privates If I feel slighted You should be frightened Cos I’ll explode your head now Selena Gomez, she must be stopped! Her evil power it must be blocked! That kind of sweetness, who could resist it? This Canadian! Hey, Justin Bieber, your country needs ya To stop your ex girlfriend Selena You’re numb and jaded from female attention Her spell will not affect you Yo what’s up Selena? Oh my god Justin what are you doing here? Yo Selena you know your music sucks and you got big nasty feet? What did you say? He said your music blows and you are like hmm, hmm girlfriend. And he’s hating on you. Well that’s okay like I don’t mind the hate and I just love you Justin. I love everything about you and your hair and you’re so amazing. You talking right now? I’m — I — I really love your shoes Justin. Would you shut up? I don’t understand — I — I — I just want to be kind. I just want to be kind Justin. I… Yes, bingo. Our work here is done. Now we’re going to deport your lily-white supple yet firm ass back to Canada. Wait hey that wasn’t part of the deal eh