There are snails climbing all over the walls of my bathroom. There is a bush outside the window, and when it rains, if I have left the window open, which I need to sometimes, they crawl in. The iridescent tracery they leave on unknown journeys sparkles in the bulb-light. I take a Tesco-bag glove and gather them, bundle them out the window.
My timespan with you before the war.
She said she was going to Spain, hoped it wouldn’t rain, heard it wouldn’t rain. I wanted to go too, she said she was a solo traveller, it was her rule, she goes on journeys alone. With plenty to read. I recommend some books, so that perhaps a thought of me would go with her. Perhaps I am the only thought she had. Or more probably, she never thought of me, as I did of her. I wanted to say these things, but there was always a wall around me, I could never tell people how much they meant to me. I could tell others how much I hated some people, but could never even tell a friend I appreciated their company until I’d had 10 cans, then it would descend into a stereotypical drunken “You’re my best mate, you are.”
So we opened that bottle of absinthe, and sat on the couch. I knocked a copy of The Face onto the floor, and cleared away a few cans with my boots. We turned to face each other there, an my knee touched hers. I looked at our knees together, hers at the top of the black leather boots, hidden in grey woollen tights, with little bobbles on them. Her knee moved imperceptibly away, but I felt it. I looked up to her face as she said “Drink a shot with me, and look me in the eye as you do.” We did. I didn’t feel the effect of the alcohol, but her eyes gave me a warm glow, I was swallowed by them, as she swallowed the green liquid. I couldn’t get enough. We did it again and again. Rinse, then repeat. As needed.
Two
Fuck! My number will be on her phone. They’ll know. I need to get round there and delete the calls. Sorted.
One
“Out of the strong, came forth sweetness.” It says that on the tins of Lyle’s Golden Syrup. Have you ever noticed that? It has a picture of a lion, dead, surrounded by bees, buzzing around, and feasting on the lion’s innards. It is from a Biblical story, someone was going somewhere, saw the lion dead in the sunshine, and carried on. On his way back, the bees had started to form a hive within the lion, and were creating honey. Hence out of the strong…
I have enough here to join her, to join the lion. I can’t walk around the block once more, again. I’ve been doing that for years, and I have never escaped. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I’m going nowhere, like those snails, except out the window. The streets are full of mercenary eyes. Veins full of evil serum. 90 degrees from window. Right down to its gables.
Three
I’ll show you for example A situation that’s like one two And that can’t really look at my time It’s harder in the morning My room’s too small for parties Too spacious when you’re lonely So books can make us friends That’s as long as we’re reading
Turn the lights out when you’re leaving I want to watch the car park empty It’s easy when they’re strangers to wave goodbye
My brother’s back from holiday He’s been chasing girls in Spain He said he’d bring me a guitar Which I said would bring me fame I remember your excitement Choosing pictures for your wall And now I’ve seen them all so often You hardly see them anymore
Turn the lights out when you’re leaving I want to watch the car park empty It’s easy when they’re strangers to wave goodbye
I remember your excitement Choosing pictures for your wall And now I’ve seen them all so often You hardly see them anymore Turn the lights off when you’re leaving I want to watch the car park empty It’s easy when they’re strangers to wave goodbye