Looking back it makes me sick Despite the years that ran away The bitter after taste is there
I loved you fucked up girl Constantly on the verge of sinking You drank like a black hole And with all the medication It was a fatal cocktail in your brain And you fell down the stairs Laughed or cried for nothing I was ashamed I couldn’t help But loved you irrationally
We spent two years together Two years to mend our cracks Watching the sun die on the roofs You stopped drinking And we savored this victory Bored as two mussels in the sea Watching movies without listening Walking the dog as all neighbours did Believing that we could be normal And live like everyone else Looking back it makes me sick Despite the years that ran away
I can’t say exactly when We reached the point of dislocation Where our bright white illusions Crumbled beyond repair Everything was broken And I began to hate you I wanted you to relapse Betrayed, slapped, insulted I manage to drag you down Even lower than when we met
You awoke the wild beast Nestled in a corner of my head
Looking back it makes me sick Despite the years that ran away The bitter after taste is there The last time I heard of you You were in rehab one more time I never saw you again
But I remember your number I could dial it with eyes closed And sometimes at night When it’s cold in the streets I refrain from calling you To make sure you’re not dead