Dear Penthouse: I’m a freshman at a small Midwestern university And I never thought something like this could happen to me When my teacher with the dynamite ass, asked me to stay after class And she started to undress I can’t forget the statement she made If you drop you pants I’ll raise your grade
(Girl) Dear Penthouse: I never thought those letters were true until I was on a fishing trip and I met a girl named Jill We had a little too much to drink I couldn’t believe what I was starting to think So we headed to her tent, there’s nothing like eating out Though the next morning my mouth still smelled like trout
Chorus I’ve read every issue since 1974 The first two years behind the bathroom door I poured through every Penthouse I could find Even though my mom said I’d go blind
Dear Penthouse: I’m a seaman first class at an overseas naval base It’s been seven long months since I’ve seen a woman’s face When I saw your recent issue, I took a box of Kleenex tissue And I locked the barracks door Thanks to you I’ve gotten a grip, please excuse my jerky penmanship
Chorus
Dear Penthouse: Doing sports on the radio has always been my job I’ve never wanted a man until I noticed BOB When we’re close I start to perspire His little buns set my loins on fire And I dream about the day he’ll say, “Chick” lets get undressed Name and address held upon request