I always thought my movie Would be a comedy Not quite the tragedy that it's become More slapstick than chickflick More Caddyshack than Breakfast At Tiffany's So, thank me at the podium For a lifetime of contribution Turn on the cameras Someone cue the extras Hair and makeup to the set
Because the big screen's calling Final casting call Its your big shot baby your the next big star On another stupid movie 'bout a guy with a broken heart Is falling apart Your headed for the cutting room floor And in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl
So if you miss my movie Get the DVD Check out the chemistry Between you and me Less 'Raising Arizona' More 'Steel Magnolias' So when you walk down that red carpet I hope you trip and fall I hope someone squirts you with a watergun A super soaker filled with pee
Because the big screen's calling Final casting call Its your big shot baby your the next big star On another stupid movie About a guy with a broken heart Is falling apart Your headed for the cutting room floor And in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl
All apologies To Kevin Costner And that chick from monster Give me Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Belushi and even Val Kilmer He was funny in 'Real Genius'
[Greg] What about 'Top Gun'? [Jaret] No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny [Greg] Whatever
Top secret was funny too But he sucked as Batman
Because the big screen's calling Final casting call Its your big shot baby your the next big star On another stupid movie About a guy with a broken heart Is falling apart
Steven Spielberg's calling and he's sending a car It's your big shot baby, you're the next big star Of another stupid movie About a guy with a broken heart Who's falling apart Your headed for the cutting room floor But in the sequel honey I'm the guy who gets the girl
I'm the guy that gets the girl [repeat until the end]
[BACKGROUND (repeat until the end):] Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, BRIGHTelushi and Akroid, Chris Farley, Bill Murray in 'Stripes'. Eddie Murphy till 90, Chris Rock and John Candy, the cast of Hollywood Knights. Mike Myers, Jim Carrey and the Farelly Brothers are more my style. 'Terms of Endearment' I didn't get it. I'd much rather shut up and smile.