British Humour - Mr. Jones (Level A2 - Elementary) (English/Английский) ENG | Текст песни

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• British Humour
• Mr. Jones (Level A2 - Elementary) (English/Английский) ENG

Woman = W, Mr. Jones 1 = J1, Mr. Jones 2 = J2, Mr. Jones 3 = J3
J1: Good afternoon!
W: Good afternoon!
J1: My name’s Jones. Charles Jones. I come from Wales, from Cardiff. I saw an advertisement in a newspaper. It said: “Charles Jones, money. 4 o’clock Tuesday afternoon.” Ahead it gave this address.
W: Ah, yes. Await in here, please, Mr. Jones.
J1: Oh, thank you.
W: With these two Gentlemen.
J1: Oh, thank you.
J1: Eh… Good afternoon!
J2: Good afternoon.
J1: Good afternoon!
J3: Good afternoon.
J1: Ah… Eh, nice day, isn’t it?
J2: Yes.
J3: Yes, it is.
W: Now, Mr. Jones?
J1: Yes?
J2: Yes?
J3: Yes?
W: Mr. JONES.
J1: Yes?
J2: Yes?
J3: Yes?
W: Which one of you is Mr. Jones?
J1: I am!
J2: So am I.
J3: So am I.
J1: No, my name’s Jones!
J2: So is mine.
J3: So is mine.
W: I want to speak to Charles Jones.
J1: Charles Jones! That’s me!
J2: No, I’m Charles Jones.
J3: That’s my name too.
W: Charles Edward Jones.
J1: Yes! My name is Charles Edward Jones!
J3: So is mine.
J2: Mine is too!
W: I want to speak to Mr. Charles Edward Jones from Cardiff.
J1: That’s right! I come from Cardiff!
J2: So do I.
J3: So do I.
W: The Mr. Jones I want to see has got 3 children.
J1: Yes, that’s me! I’ve got 3 children!
J3: So have I.
W: What about you?
J2: I’ve got 3 children.
J3: You haven’t!
J1: What are they called?!
J2: What are yours called?
J1: Alan, Michel and David!
J2: So are mine!
J3: What a coincidence. So are mine.
W: So, you all say you’re Mr. Jones?
J1: Yes1
J2: Yes.
J3: Yes.
W: And you all saw an advertisement in a newspaper?
J3: Yes!
J2: Yes!
J1: Yes!
W: Well, Mr. Charles Edward Jones who lives in Cardiff and has 3 children hasn’t payed any tax for the last 5 years. He must pay the government 5 thousand pounds.
J2: Er… Actually, my name isn’t Jones.
J3: Nor is mine. And I don’t live in Cardiff either.
J2: Nor do I. I live in Edinburg, as a matter of fact. I didn’t understand the advertisement.
J3: Nor did I. I didn’t realise it meant CHARLES EDWARD JONES.
J2: Nor did I! My name isn’t Charles Edward Jones.
J3: Nor is mine. He’s the man you’re looking for.
J1: Oh, dear!
J2: Yes, of course, he is. Sorry to have troubled you. Good bye!
J3: Yes. Sorry to have troubled you. Good bye!
W: So, you are Mr. Jones.
J1: Yes…
W: Congratulations!
J1: Eeee?
W: You’re a rich man!
J1: I’m not.
W: Yes, you are. You’ve got a lot of money!
J1: I haven’t! I can’t pay that tax!
W: There isn’t any tax.
J1: I haven’t got … No tax?
W: No. That was just a story. I had to find a real Mr. Jones.
J1: Why?
W: Because the real Mr. Jones is a very rich man.
J1: Oh, I don’t understand!
W: Mr. Jones, Charlie, your great uncle Max
died last week.
J1: Oh, no!
W: And his money goes to you!
J1: To me?... But… Great uncle Max was a millionaire!
W: That’s right!
J1: So, now I am a millionaire?
W: Er… No.
J1: Oh.
W: You’re half a millionaire.
J1: Half a millionaire?... Oh, which half? The top-half or the bottom half? Huh!
W: No, no, no. You share money with one other relation.
J1: Half a millionaire… Who do I share the money with?
W: Me.
J1: You?
W: Yes! I’m your cousine Jane!
J1: Cousine Jane! Really?! You’ve grown up!
W: So have you!
J1: And now you’re half a millionaire!
W: And so are you. Let’s go out and celebrate!
J1: Good idea! Let’s and celebrate! Come on!... Oh… Er, Jane?
W: Yes?
J1: Have you got enough money for the bus fare?


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