DOUGLAS: Greetings, oh, Sir. MARTIN: Don't call me Sir, Douglas. DOUGLAS: Sir's mind is fickle and changeable. I shall endeavor to remember, Sir, but from time to time, my natural awe at the majestic figure cut by Sir may bubble up, uncontrollably here. And.. MARTIN: Thank you, Douglas. Truly you're an hilarious pilot. Where's Carolyn? DOUGLAS: Sharpening her teeth. ARTHUR: Brushing. DOUGLAS: Brushing her teeth. Yes, sorry. Well, in you get then, Sir of Sirs. You are letting the cold in. MARTIN: I can't. You are in my seat. DOUGLAS: Your seat? You have a seat? MARTIN: Yes. DOUGLAS: In Carolyn's car? MARTIN: The front seat is my seat. DOUGLAS: What? Did you call shot gun? MARTIN: Didn't need to call a shot gun. Im the Captain. DOUGLAS: The Captain gets the front seat in the aircraft, Martin, because he's driving it, not in any vehicle he happens to be in. MARTIN: I always sit in the front seat in a taxi. DOUGLAS: Only because the taxi goes to your house first. This time I got here first and so here I am, voila. ARTHUR: Tell you what, if it makes it easier, I can go in the front. DOUGLAS & MARTIN: Shut up, Arthur. ARTHUR: Right. MARTIN: Douglas, I've got to do the briefing. How am I supposed to give the briefing from the back seat? DOUGLAS: I'll still be able to hear you. I'll be in the same car, and everything. And, my legs are longer, yards longer. MARTIN: But, I don't.. DOUGLAS: Oh, all right, I'll toss you for it. MARTIN: Hey, no, that's not fair. You know about me and coin tosses. DOUGLAS: Heads or tails? MARTIN: Oh, bloody hell, tails then. DOUGLAS: (toss a coin) Oh, that's odd. MARTIN: Did I win? DOUGLAS: (Sighs) Uh.. MARTIN: Did I actually win? That never happens. That's the first time in a run of about five hundred. DOUGLAS: Oh, just get on with it. MARTIN: (changes the seat and enjoys) Oh, now, that is nice. Comfy. Ah..Now, listen up, chaps, here is the briefing, fairly straightforward. Weather is good . Clear skies expected in Abu Dhabi. Our alternate is Dubai. I'll operate out. Douglas, you'll operate back. Trust that's all clear? DOUGLAS: Aye, aye, Captain Ahab. MARTIN: I Suppose he's a friend of Captain bligh's, is he? DOUGLAS: The three of you should go for a drink sometime.
(Carolyn comes and enters the car.) CAROLYN: Ok, team useless. We're late. MARTIN: But, that' because you were.. CAROLYN: Shut up and listen, here's your briefing. Douglas will operate out, Martin back. Clear skies at Abu Dhabi. Your alternate is Bahrain. MARTIN: Carolyn, I've already done.. CAROLYN: No, really, shut up and listen. Alternate Bahrain, but of course you don’t need an alternate. Because today is the day we try running MJN as a profitable business, rather than a charitable sanctuary for rubbish pilots. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait a minute. Martin, swap seats with Douglas. MARTIN: What? CAROLYN: He's too tall. I can't see out of the back window. Now, come on, chop, chop! MARTIN: I don't believe.. CAROLYN: I'm going to count to one..One! (The two swap the seats)
DOUGLAS: Look at all this lot, carpets, vases and a storage heater. MARTIN: Why would he want a storage heater in Abu Dhabi? DOUGLAS: Well, there is a lot of heat to store MARTIN: Right, we're done. Arthur, we're done. ARTHUR: Coming, Skipper (outside the door). MARTIN: What are you doing back there? ARTHUR: Trying to soothe the cat. (sound of cat miaowing, screaming and biting) Ah.. MARTIN: God! What happened? ARTHUR: I..failed. DOUGLAS: Good heavens, are you all right? ARTHUR: I think so. He's sweet, really. He was just playing. MARTIN: At what, being a leopard? DOUGLAS: I wouldn't have thought he could get his paws through the bars? ARTHUR: Nor did I. He really can, though. MARTIN: Do you want to go and sew yourself back together? A