Just outside of Johnson City On a dark and twisting road In a Kenworth 18-wheeler With a heavy, shifting load He was pushing through to Binghamton Though the hour was getting late Pfizers finest on a mission To the pharmacies upstate He was on a holy mission There were men who couldnt wait (for his thirty thousand pounds of Viagra¬)
He'd clocked seven hundred miles Since he climbed into the rig Just another twenty-five or so Would finish up that gig But the trailer hit an oil slick And down the hill did fly (Oh, my!) ëtil it landed at the bottom in the towns water supply It was instant rigor mortis What a hard way to die! CHORUS: Save your sons Shield your daughters There's Viagra¬ In the waters
All over Johnson City People rising with the dawn They drank their morning coffee, Took their showers, watered lawns And who could have predicted All the changes up ahead? Men were getting up for work, And heading back to bed So many called in sick, You would have thought a virus spread
Down at the courthouse coffee shop Some stared in disbelief As a pack of thirsty lawyers Started filling out their briefs But at the local college Young men appeared much smarter No chromosomal mystery They simply studied harder Now water on the rocks Is the latest party starter
CHORUS
The Johnson City firemen Cursed their wretched luck They could not get their fire hoses Wound back on the truck Sprinkling holy water at a funeral, Father Ryan said "I know Ive saved their souls, but I've never raised the dead. Would a couple o strong men help me now Close the casket lid?"
Old man Weisberg Took the shower of his life Then he marched into the kitchen And he called out to his wife She knew something was up As he stood naked at the table Holding two cups of coffee And half a dozen bagels It had been at least a decade Since the last time he was able
CHORUS
Believers seeking miracles The pilgrims came in hordes The waters of Viagra¬ Grew more popular than Lourdes The clergy quoted scripture But they found it hard to sell That those who chose to be anointed Were pointed straight to hell Despite the dire warnings The crowds began to swell
Some hardened politicians Came into town one day With their permits and their pipelines Pumped the waters all away From the heart of Johnson City Rose the mournful cry of men But the women knew another truck Was coming through again Dont worry theres a truck next week Well spread the oil again