Carol Burnett & Ruthie Henshall - There's Always a Woman | Текст песни

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• Carol Burnett & Ruthie Henshall
• There's Always a Woman

"Putting It Together: A Musical Revue"
Music & Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
February 20, 2000 at the Barrymore Theater

CORA:
Cherchez la femme.
There's always a woman
To spoil the illusion,
The rotten banana
That ruins the bunch.
There's always a woman
Who causes confusion.
There's nothing as low as a woman.
We must lunch.

FAY:
Love to.

CORA:
Noonish?

FAY:
Tomorrow.

CORA:
Today.

FAY:
My place?

CORA:
Mine.

FAY:
There's always a woman,
The one disappointment.
The note that goes sour
And gums up the tune,
The ant at the picnic,
The fly in the ointment.
There's nothing so slow as a woman.
Ring me soon!

CORA:
Love to.

FAY:
'Voir.

CORA:
Leaving?

FAY:
I thought...

CORA:
I know.

FAY:
I tried.

BOTH:
It's always a woman,
The counterfeit check,

FAY:
The snake in the woodpile,

CORA:
The pain in the neck.

BOTH:
The sand in the oyster
That isn't a pearl.
There's nothing as low as a woman...
Darling girl.

CORA:
Pet!
FAY:
Lamb!

CORA:
Dove!

FAY:
Fish.

CORA:
The run in the stocking,
The snag in the zipper,
The weather in London,
The water in France.
It's always a woman.
It's Jacqueline the Ripper.
There's nothing as low as a woman.
Shall we dance?

FAY:
Waltz?

CORA:
Rhumba?

FAY:
Cancan?

CORA:
Tango?

FAY:
Schottische?

CORA:
Gavotte?

FAY:
Cha-cha?

CORA:
Tap?

FAY:
Bolero?

CORA:
Polka?

FAY:
Bridge?

CORA:
Two hearts.

FAY:
Three clubs.

CORA:
I pass.

FAY:
There's always a woman,
A crimp in the writing,
The hole in the sidewalk,
The gum on the shoe.
She almost looks human-
It must be the lighting.
Whatever it is, it's a woman.
How are you?

CORA:
Fine.

FAY:
Pity.

BOTH:
It's always a woman,

FAY:
The hand in the hill,

CORA:
The five dollar diamond,

FAY:
the three-dollar bill.

BOTH:
A genius for trickery
That's second to none.
There's nothing as low as a woman.
Isn't this fun?

CORA:
Lovely.

FAY:
Charming.

CORA:
Delicious.

FAY:
Stunning.

CORA:
Fabulous.

FAY:
Gorgeous.

BOTH:
Exquisite.

CORA, FAY (Alternately):
A knife would be perfect-
A gun would be perfect-
It's quick and it's quiet.
At least I could try it.
I hear they do wonders
And you can do wonders
With poisonous gas.
With silvers of glass,
There's always the quarry-
There's always curare-
She'd never be found.
I have some around.
A noose is efficient-
Bamboo is efficient-
She won't make a sound.
As long as it's ground.
Whatever will do it,
Whatever will do it,
If anything will.
If anything will.

BOTH:
There's nothing as low as a woman.

CORA:
Sneak.

FAY:
Thief.

CORA:
Cheat.

FAY:
Crook.

CORA:
Frump.

FAY:
Fake.

CORA:
Bore.

FAY:
Bag.

CORA:
Leech.

FAY:
Crone.

CORA:
Witch.

FAY:
Ghoul.

BOTH:
Police!
Shoot to kill!

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