My name it is Matthews, and I've got it made A memorial maker - it's a profitable trade I don't solicit business; there's no point in trying What I like about my customers - they just keep on dying Here lies Frederick, mourned by his wife He lead a blameless life He couldn't win the way she treated him His gravestone should have read Here lies Fred - he's better off dead Rest in peace, rest in peace My name it is Matthews, and I've got it made A memorial maker - it's a profitable trade They bring the names of husbands, they bring the names of wives They want me to perpetuate their awful, dreary lives Here lies John, run over by a bus He was loved by all of us His time on earth, what was it worth When all is said and done? Here lies John - we're rather glad he's gone. Rest in peace, rest in peace They come to me and spend all they've got 'Cause it costs quite a lot to be remembered They think it is the only way What would the neighbors say anyway? It's so prestigious, even though you're not religious Maybe one day I will carve a stone Big enough for everyone And written there for those who care In letters ten feet high: "Here they lie who were born to die" Rest in peace, rest in peace Rest in peace, rest in peace now my friend, it's the end Rest in peace, rest in peace now my friend, it's the end My name it is Matthews, and I've got it made A memorial maker - it's a profitable trade