Music and Lyrics by Joss Whedon Performed by Neil Patrick Harris
HAVE THEY ALL GONE? YES! IT’S NEIL’S TURN NO MORE WRITERS TO WHINE NOW THE WHOLE SHOW IS MINE
NO MORE NATHAN WITH HIS BEAN DIP SAY GOODNIGHT, FRANKENSTEIN ‘CAUSE IT’S MY TURN TO SHINE
I CAN DO ALL OF THEIR JOBS I CAN JUST PLAY WITH THESE KNOBS AND I’LL SOUND FINE
IT’S A ONE-MAN LIKE HAL HOLBROOK LIKE THAT SHOWCASE FOR LIZA IT’S “NEIL WITH AN I”
HEY FELICIA YOU WERE GREAT, KID BUT YOU JUST HAD TO DIE ‘CAUSE THERE’S NO “TEAM” IN “I”
I’LL SING MY OWN HARMONIES I’LL GO AS LOW AS I PLEASE OR I’LL GO HIGH
WELCOME EVERYBODY TO MY COMMENTARY I’VE GOT SO MUCH TALENT IT’S A LITTLE SCARY IS MY EVERY RANDOM THOUGHT INSIGHTFUL – VERY NOT JUST ENTERTAINING; I’M A LUMINARY
I’LL CHARM THE CHICKS Are those things real? Ha! DO MAGIC TRICKS Was it the Three of Clubs? Ho! LAY DOWN SOME TAP AND I CAN RAP
MY NAME IS NEIL AND I’M HERE TO SAY…
NO I CAN’T RAP THAT WAS PAINFUL LET’S MOVE ON TO THE PART WHERE I TALK ABOUT ART
LOOK AT THAT SHOT WE USED CAMERAS THERE’S A BOOM GUY IN FRAME HE WAS GREAT – WHAT’S HIS NAME?
WHAT WAS HIS NAME? WHAT SHOULD I SAY? THE CHOICES ARE ENDLESS AND HERE I AM AT LAST, ALONE, AND FRIENDLESS NO I’M NOT FRIENDLESS I’VE GOT SOME FRIENDS THEY’LL BE HERE WHEN THIS ENDS IF THIS ENDS WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DOES THIS SWITCH DO – IT TURNS OUT THE LIGHTS NOW IT’S DARK AND I’M LOST AND ALONE AND WHAT’S WITH ALL THESE CHORDS? WHAT’S WITH ALL THESE WEIRD CHORDS? SOMEBODY HELP SOMEBODY SAY CUT SOMEBODY SAY ACTION SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING I’M SO AFRAID SOMEBODY SAY CUT I’M SO ALONE…