I don’t want to be awake again, I spend my days with my head in my hands. If I go outside I’ll fall apart. I am mostly scared of passing time, the world it seems gets more unkind. Inevitable tragedy will soon be mine.
I am looking for an easy place, to mask my thoughts behind my face. Oh brown baked column of victory. Maybe I should just pack up and run away again, and let you forget that you where once my friend. Then watch another go on and do better without me.
But I could not go away, not if I wanted to. I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you. These chemical reactions are dividing me. Self-deprecating thoughts are interrupting all the time, emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren’t mine. They speak louder than everybody I try to keep my eyes closed as my outlook isn’t bright, compulsively complaining when I haven’t got the right. I hate the way that I think and act. I want to end reality but I feel hesitant, optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present, and so for today I’ll remain intact.