I used to be a fearful lad, The things I did were downright bad; And worst of all were what I done From seventeen to twenty one On all the railways far and wide From sinfulness and shameful pride.
For several years I was so wicked I used to go without a ticket, And travelled underneath the seat Down in the dust of people's feet, Or else I sat as bold as brass And told them "Season" in First Class.
And once, a-leaving Colnet Hatch, I put a huge and heavy parcel Which I were taking to Newcastle, Entirely filled with lumps of lead, Up on the rack above my head; And when it tumbled down, oh Lord! I pulled communication cord. The guard came round and said "You mule! What have you done you dirty fool?" I simply sat and smiled and said "Is this train right for Holyhead?" He said "You blinking blasted swine, You'll have to pay the five pound fine." I gave a false name and address, Puffed up with my vaingloriousness.
I grew so careless what I'd do Throwing out things, and dangerous too, That, last and worst of all I'd done, I threw a great sultana bun Out of the train at Pontypridd- It hit a platelayer, it did, I thought that I should have to swing And never hear the sweet birds sing. The jury recommended mercy, And that's how grace was given to Percy.
And now I have a motorbike, And up and down the road I hike, Seeing the lovely birds and flowers, And windmills with their sails and towers, And all the wide sweep of the Downs And villages and country towns And hear the mowers mowing hay And smell the great sea far away; And always keeping - cars be blowed- Well on the wrong side of the road. Never heeding hoots nor warners. 'specially around the corners. For even down the steepest hill Redemption saves me from a spill. I have a flapper on my carrier. Some day I'm going to marry her.