we were in her living room when she pulled up her sleeve and I should have done the same but I just tried to talk like an adult and tell her it was ok but of course the words were fake and I went home and I cried because her arm looked just like mine and she used to write me notes about the ways that he would fuck her we were 13 and it was too weird to say the words out loud and I dreamed of being her and I dreamed I was her boyfriend but I was just a kid that girls could talk to about boyfriends well I met a girl in history she brought me to her mom's and we smoked pot in the attic and she told me how she ended up here stepdad in a different state the open windows and the snow I didn't say the right thing and I never really knew her well she showed me secret letters she had written to herself and she gave me mixed cds to study late at night all by myself I wished I had her haircut cause she looked so tough as hell but instead I got a boyfriend cause that's what girls are supposed to do now well I was at a party when I was 17 and this piece of shit showed though I'd told them what he'd done to me my friends had still invited him they said "relax he was drunk too why don't you forgive him? it's been months it wouldn't hurt you" so I drank until I couldn't walk and skidded on the ice spinning sobbing in the driveway staring up into the cold dark pines I don't wanna be so angry still at all the teenage girls cause we were taught not to trust each other not to take care of each other not to love each other what the hell