Dormancy - Feelix Rznr | Текст песни

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• Dormancy
• Feelix Rznr

In my time I’ve seen too little to know whether I’ve seen too much, I’ve found everything I held most true to be false and everything I’d found false and absurd and inconsiderable to be the truest of all, an endlessly occurring reaction ends with nothing holding any truth and exposing the false idea of my existence and that which occurs within it. I’ve found that growing up has left me infantile at heart and that being happy only left me sad when it came to an end, it’s just that everything I want is exactly what I won’t get and that I’ll never have anything to hold onto when I can’t hold on anymore, I’ve started letting things go knowing it’ll only be worse when they’re torn from me in the end. I’ve felt vomit cleanse my mouth from the names I’ll never speak again and a smile form from the prospect of their shattered faces and halted lives, I know that broken hands won’t mend broken hearts and that it’ll never be the same and I know that my bleeding heart will kill me in time but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve forever bared witness to the beginning that was the end that was my life, the figurative implosion of my mind as everything seemingly came together and fell apart at once, as it all happened I quite literally fell apart and disintegrated and took form in the darkest corner of my mind where there was nothing left.

In my mind I’ve realized that everything that feels like forever could be over in an instant and that my world truly could implode, as a matter of fact I know it’ll all go to shit in the end that started from the beginning, I’m taking solace in the fact that none of us can escape fate, accepting what I don’t accept and moving on past it all because there’s only one alternative, it’s a contradictory life that is an infinite death until it’s not, it’s all I have and I have nothing, nobody, not even myself anymore. I’ve learned that I love being alone and I hate that the most, I hate that I don’t know any other way, I’m walking rage who just doesn’t care enough to get angry because the solitude I hate to love is the only nothing I can actually possess, I’m always possessed by it. I dream of suffering and am in awe of the beauty of destruction, I have nightmares of the same sort and it makes no difference, one day I’ll get up and the next I won’t, when that day doesn’t come I’ll know it’s been a long time coming and I’ll no longer know at all, I know it’ll be like any other day where I was dead inside. I’m telling you that that only when you finally take your last breath will you feel the full magnitude of the world, the incredible depth of an instantaneous moment of life which we are simply unable to quantify because it’s all encompassing, taking what we have for granted because it’s so hard to imagine anything else, you’ll fill your lungs with childhood memories missed opportunities and magical relationships that you couldn’t even begin to fully appreciate, couldn’t even begin to comprehend them until there was no chance of carrying them on, your whole being will be taken over by the incomprehensible gravity that is life, completely incomprehensible until it’s no longer attainable, I’m saying that you’ll only be truly content with the world when you’re leaving it, and at that point, it won’t mean a fucking thing, you’ll breathe it all in, you’ll hold onto it for as long as you can, you’ll be more alive than ever, you’ll cherish it and at that moment, in your last moment you’ll feel nothing, nothing but resent, fading away and thinking of what could’ve been, resent for what could’ve been, more alive than ever, ready to take on the world and it won’t mean a fucking thing, in as many ways as I can I’m telling you that your last breath will be your first, your last breath will be your first and it won’t mean a fucking thing. My life could’ve been but a mere second, time for a joke without a punch line, instead it’ll go down as my never-ending attempt to pry myself from everything that wasn’t and everything that was and the nothingness that outshined it all.

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