[Ellen Degeneres] Hey God, it's me Ellen, can I ask you a question? How do I tell my friend Oprah she's gonna get more whipped than Stedman? I'll make her head spin When it comes to rhymes I got a penchant So if battling me is your intention I better mention you're 'bout to get licked by a lesbian Oh I'll knock you off of your throne Take a shot at everything you own I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say I think you better just leave her alone You can tell Rachael Ray that my favorite recipe Is chopping Oprah Winfrey up into a million little pieces
[Oprah Winfrey] I'm the Queen of TV and I'm here to destroy ya So check under your seat because I got something for ya You can't even hope to be as half as dope as Oprah I'll attract my hands around your throat and Deepak choke ya Girl your show's a petting zoo, you do a week on kittens And you dance like a chicken who snuck into Drunk Kitchen You played a fish with brain damage, I'm a nominated actress Name's synonomous with power, spell it forwards or backwards
[Ellen Degeneres] Yes you've got that power and yes I've got those kittens I also feature puppies, talented children and mittens I like cute things that make people smile Make everybody feel good for a while Do a little dance and the crowd goes wild Kick you right back to the miracle mile I thought I told ya your daytime reign is over I'm jumping over Oprah like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa From ABC to LGBT To NBC and now it's all me I'm the best emcee and the biggest star And I'll bite you in the ass like the tax on a free car
[Oprah Winfrey] Your mouth is writing checks, your mullet can't cash lady I'll lodge my fabulous shoe up your suit pants baby You follow my lead cause I paved the road for ya You drive behind me in a secondhand Porsche Check the Fortune 500, I'm a media wonder The Dalai Lama and Obama memorize my cell number Try to beef with me I'll make the whole market crash honey Once you go Oprah You never go back
WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! YOU DECIDE! YOU DECIDE! YOU DECIDE! YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!