ERB - Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible | Текст песни

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• Alexander the Great vs Ivan the Terrible

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(Ivan the Terrible)
Look alive, crème de la Kremlin's arriving!
Try to serve Ivan: no surviving!
You're a land rover; I'm a land expander
Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander!
I'll school you like Aristotle!
Smack you harder than you hit that bottle!
You're nothing but an overrated lush; I'll crush ya!
I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia!
You're an asshole with an anastole!
I'm heaven-sent, divine and holy!
So don't even try to approach the God,
Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod!

(Alexander the Great)
Hey, fella! Swell diss,
But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed!
Stepping up's foolish as well as useless,
Little Vasilyevich! Let me spell out the list:
I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia!
Breezed through Gaza to Giza!
Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq,
And Pakistan in my expansion pack,
While you died in the middle of a game of chess!
You got vodka bars: flavorless!
And what I'm 'bout to spit will be the craziest,
So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!
Kudos! Greek for the glory I got
From winning every single war that I fought!
So this will be straightforward: I'll take up this sword that I brought
And slice you in half like the Gordian knot!
And I'll soar to the top
Like the eagle whose feather I would sport
In the helmet that I wore
As I swatted my many enemies; shattered 'em like a porcelain pot,
And they'd be praying for the torture to stop,
But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring
Until their vocals cords were torn up and shot!
And I would holler \"Bucephalus!\", hop on my horsey, and trot!
I win, Ivan; I vanquish! I'm an immortal; you're not!

(Ivan the Terrible & Alexander the Great)
Enough! I don't stand a chance against your skills!
На здоровье! A drink to your victory! Yes, I will
It seems no one can defeat me. I weep; it's all so easy!
What's wrong? I feel a bit…queasy
You've been poisoned! Oh, the pain is unbearable!
My stomach's riddled with holes! I'm terrible
There's no great who could defeat this Russian!

(Frederick the Great)
What about a flute-busting Prussian?
I'm Frederick the Great! Out the gate, first servant of state!
Oblique attack tactics ain't exactly straight!
I've got creative talents and battle malice!
Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!
Russia's fucked up, but no wonder why!
With your tundras and taigas and bears! Oh my!
I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes
If I had to look at your troll face every night!
Now, bring me my chair!
I'm weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square!
Fought a Seven Years' War; I ain't scared of a Tsar
'Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!

(Ivan the Terrible & Frederick the Great)
Oh, what a humiliating defeat!
I know when I am beat, so of course, take a seat!
I'd keep ripping you to shreds, but I'll take a break instead
And just rest my little head. Why don't you drop dead, Fred?!
My expectations were a lot higher,
But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire.
It's another great day and another great victory
'Cause no great can beat me!

(Catherine the Great)
Macedonians, Prussians, and Romans; those aren't worthy opponents
It takes a Russian to take down a Russian. I'm Cat; I'm a cat; you're a rodent!
How are you the head of our state when the state of your head was such a crazy one?
Such sick shit going through your brain that you stuck a spike through your own son!
You're unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged!
I brought the Russian empire straight out the olden days and right into the golden age!
I'm the boss bitch that you just can't meddle with!
This whole battle's like Alaska 'cause I settled it!

(Ivan the Terrible)
What a beautiful Queen to beat me in a battle
Accept this gift, Your Highness. I hear you enjoy the saddle!

(Catherine the Great)
That horse story is a pile of shit,
Though I do keep 'em chomping at the bit,
But you're never gonna get it, nyet!
Couldn't spin in my chamber if this were Russian roulette!
I'm picking up where Peter the Great left off!
Bringing sexy back to House Romanov!
So don't call me Queen, I'm far more great!
Empress to Tsar 8, bitch! Checkmate!