Your lover is a fucker Your lover is a drunk He’s no one’s favorite person Not even his own mother’s But that does not excuse him For making us all suffer Your lover is a fucker And the fucker must be gone
Your lover is a bastard Your lover is a beast We all were having such a lovely time And then he bared his jagged teeth He opened up his asshole of a mouth And all that angry shit came pouring out Your lover is a bastard And it’s time to do the deed
We are the pirates of the heart We ride upon the open seas We find the fuckers where they are And then we bring them to their knees We show them pictures of their lives And we evaluate for free We give them feedback We give them feedback We help them bleed
Your lover is a doorstop Your lover is a pill Your former lover was a prince And most of us admire him still You’re saying this one is trying hard to change But even you don’t think he will Your lover is a bad man And a bad man must be killed
We are the pirates of the heart We ride upon the open seas We find the fuckers where they are And then we bring them to their knees We show them transcripts of the record Detailing each indignity We hurt their feelings We hurt their feelings We help them bleed
Now if you want to save him This lover we all hate We’re going to give you one last stinking chance to break it off For heaven’s sake We’ll give you until tomorrow at 8 o’clock And you’d better not be late Your lover is the devil a And the devil doesn’t wait Whom for?
For the pirates of the heart We ride upon the open seas We find the fuckers where they are And then we bring them to their knees And when the deed is finally done, my dear You’ll realize that you love me (no me!) For I’m a pirate We are the pirates We rule the sea