You said you’re not afraid of dying. You said you’re more afraid of living. I can’t keep up with the present. And it’s the future that keeps me up at night.
I know better than to question my existence but sometimes I wonder why the hell I’m living. I’m not the cause of something. I live for you and nothing.
You are the backbone to everything that I own, the conscious in my mind, the gold on my throne, the words I can’t speak, the lack of sweet dreams. My world is falling apart. I hope you’re proud of me because I don’t think I would be. Seeing your son with gun for a tongue must be every parent’s dream. I have potential but it’s the words I can’t handle. They rip me apart with their judgmental standards. Leave me alone, I need to keep control. My world is falling apart and it’s my fault.
I told myself when I grow up I’d be the best that I could be. But all I see in the reflection is a failure looking back at me. I thought my life would be easy and I thought that I’d be happy.