Come single belle and beau, To my words pay attention. Don't ever fall in love, It's the devil's own invention. For once I fell in love, With a lady so bewitching; Miss Henrietta BELL, Down in Captain Kelly's Kitchen.
At the age of seventeen, I apprenticed to a grocer, Not far from Stephen's Green, where Miss Henri used to go, sir. Her manners were so fine, She set my heart a’twitchin' When she invited me to Meet her in the Kitchen
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On a shiny sunny day We were to have our flare up I dressed up firkin’ gay, I shaved and oiled me hair up The captain was a bachelor, and he had gone a’fishin' So I began to humour her Down in the old man’s kitchen
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With her thighs around my waist She slyly hinted marriage When to the door in haste Came Captain Kelly's carriage! I tried to run away, but was stuck there with my stick in As the captain kicked the door in and came into the kitchen
Well the Captain came downstairs Though he saw me situation, In spite of all me prayers I was marched off to the station. For me they set no bail Though to get home I was itchin' And I had to tell the tale of how I came into that kitchen
Well I swore she did invite me, But she called me a liar For assault she did indict me And I was sent for trial. She swore I did harass her In spite of all her screechin' And I got six months hard For miss Henrietta bitchin’!