On the western side of Quahog, If you'd care to come along, There's a club that's so exclusive That the line is ten miles long.
Where the douchebags come to party And to spend their fathers' cash Just to take home slutty women And then wake up with a rash.
Yeah they wake up, wake up, Wake up, wake up with a rash!
Chorus: Take me out to pLace tonight, Where the wool knit caps are tight.
And the guys in hooded sweatshirts Have forgotten that they're white.
Take me out to pLace tonight, Where a dude can pick a fight Over who takes home that smoking C hinese bar skank...on the right.
There's a throng of trendy people And they're streched around the block. And there's one unpleasant Deaf guy who just really shouldn't talk.
There's a chick who's kind of Persian, And a broad with zero fat. And a giant human monkey. Oh no wait, that's Spencer Pratt. Yeah, you're right...that's Spencer Pratt.
Take me out to pLace tonight, To a bathroom stall delight Where a girl will help you Empty every last electrolyte.
Take me out to pLace tonight Where there ain't no cellulite, and we'll drink ourselves Insane until we're feeling... dynamite!