It was the darkest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight Heard the scarey wind I seen the ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the side of me
I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . . 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery
It was 11 o'clock upon a Friday night, You know the girl and me was feeling outta' sight We had twenty reds and a big ol' pile of weed, You know we drank some wine and then we LSD'd
Chrissy puked twice and jumped on my bike, She yelled, "Fire it up, 'cause you know what I like!" She burned her leg on a tail-pipe then And yelled, "Shit-a-ree!", and puked again
I noticed even the crickets Were actin' weird up here 'N so I said, "Well, come on and let's drink a little beer" I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . " But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone . . .
"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . . He's about this big . . .
He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright, You know I knew it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know, it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "You sonofabitch!" 'Cause I was mad at him, He just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter, Said: BANG BANG BANG
The sucker just laughed 'n said:
Terry: Oh, put it away . . . You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?
FZ: You ate my Chrissy?
Terry: Yeah! Titties 'n all!
FZ: Well, what about the beer then?
Terry: Ah . . . Were the cans this tall?
FZ: Even her boots?
Terry: Now, would I lie to you?
FZ: Shit, you musta been hungry!
Terry: Yeah, this is true.
FZ: Don't they pay you good For the stuff you do?
Terry: Well, you know I can't complain when the checks come through . . .
FZ: I want my Chrissy
Terry: Yeah?
FZ: I want my beer
Terry: So what?
FZ: You just puke it back up, boy Do you hear?
Terry: Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil, Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . .
FZ: Yer goddam right, you Son-of-a-whore
Terry: Don't call me that!
FZ: That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . . Gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass I'll sign . . . Because I need a beer, 'N it's titty-squeezin' time!
Terry: Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . . I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . .
FZ: Oh, yeah?
Terry: There was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . . 'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . .
FZ: Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true I mean, after all you're the Devil, now . . . Whatcha gonna do? Come on!
Terry: What am I gonna do? FZ: You can-- You can have my soul . . . Terry: What? FZ: It's a mean little sucker, 'bout a thousand years old . . . Terry: You want me to take . . . ? FZ: But once you gets it . . . Terry: Oh, no. FZ: You can't give it back . . .