Welcome to Kind’s Landing, a city of kings and whores where everything can happen. Yes, quite right. Do be careful, ‘cause shit’s about to get real’ Do be careful, ‘cause shit’s about to get real’
Hoooo Well, I’m the fuckin’ King Robert Baratheon, wrathful and nasty When I drop the fuckin’ hammer, invade like a pathogen Now gimme three whores, so I can smack that ass again And build a bigger orphanage to put all my bastards in.
Me wife’s a brother-fucker and a straight-up bitch Who gave me three blonde shits, but her daddy is rich Wine! All this arse-lickin’’s makin’ me sick I thank the gods that a boar put a tusk through my pancreas.
CERSEI: I gestated my bro’s DNA... TYRION: Not mine. CERSEI: ...throught my inbred kids were okay But I’m afraid that... NED: Joffrey is a half-wit, demented, sadistic piece of shit.
JOFFREY: You better say that I’m the king or I’ll chop of your head I’ll put your genitals in the genital jar I keep in a drawer beside my bed. SANSA: Your grace. JOFFREY: Yes, give her a gift, hit her in the face. Women are so weak and weary bring her back when she has her period. Burn the traitors, crush the North, kill the babies, fuck the poor, I’m so bored with cutting out tongues, but I’m gettin’ it down, mutilating whores. MARGAERY: Is this yours? JOFFREY: Yes, it is. MARGAERY: Talk about killing, I love that shit. Stabbing, hacking, blood and guts. JOFFREY: Hold on, I’m about to jizz.