George Carlin - Extreme Human Behavior | Текст песни

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• George Carlin
• Extreme Human Behavior

I think about stuff like that! It's interesting to me, like I said!
Certain things are interesting! Suicide is interesting!
Life is filled with interesting things! That's why I could never commit suicide!
I'm having too much fun! Keeping an eye on you, folks!
Watching what you do! Human behaviour! That's what I like!
Humans do some really interesting things!
Like, besides killing ourselves, we also kill each other!
Murder! And we're the only ones who do that, by the way!
Humans are the only species on earth that deliberately kills members of their own species for personal gain...
Or pleasure! Sometimes it's just fun...!
We're also the only species that deliberately kill members of another species...!
...for personal gain, or pleasure! That's what hunters do! They kill for pleasure!
That's us! Human beings! Interesting folks! Murderous!
Here's an interesting form of murder we came up with...!
Assassination! Do you what's interesting about assassination!
Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fucking hurry!
But it's also interesting to know who it is we assassinate! Do you ever notice, stop to think who it is we kill...?
It's always people who told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another...!
Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Martha Rivers, Malcolm X, John Lennon...
They all said: "Try to live together peacefully!" BAM! Right in the fucking head!
Apparently we're not ready for that!
Yeah! That's difficult behaviour for us!
We're too busy, thinking around, sitting around trying to think up ways to kill each other!
Here's one we came up with! It's efficient, too! Genocide! You know?
Killing large numbers of people simply 'cause they don't look like you, they don't talk like you and they don't have the same kind of hats you do!
Did you ever notice that anytime you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kinds of hats!
Keep an eye on that! It might be important!
But anytime there's genocide there are always mass graves!
Every time we kill some dictator and go marching through his country...
...we always finds mass graves! Thousands and thousands of dead bodies of people the dictator killed!
And everybody over here gets horrified! "Oh, mass graves! Mass graves! Oh!"
Oh, shit! What's a guy supposed to do with a couple of thousand people he just killed?
Dig separate holes? Fuck that shit!
It's labor intensive! Get real!
The whole idea of killing a large number of people at one time, in one place, is convenience!
Efficiency! Throw 'em in the fucking hole!
Look at it this way! At least the dictator had the decency to throw a little dirt on them!
Give the guy some credit! Dictator's a busy man! Got a lot in his mind!
Like trying to figure out who's planning to kill him!
So he can pick them up, put them in prison, and torture them!
Here's another of our interesting heart-warming behaviours we came up with...
...somewhere along the way! Torturing each other!
You wanna hear a really cool torture that the romans invented?
They also used it as a form of capital punishment! It's really creative!
They would take the guy in question, stuff him in a burlap sack, seal the sack up real tight and throw him in the river, but...!
...and here's the creative part! Inside the sack, with the guy...!
...they would put a dog, a monkey and a snake! OK?
A dog, a monkey and a snake! That's fucking creative!
Imagine being inside a bur

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