George Carlin - The Suicide Guy | Текст песни

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• George Carlin
• The Suicide Guy

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Now, just to change the subject a little bit...
Do you realize...?
...that right this second, right now...
...somewhere around the world...
...some guy is getting ready to kill himself?
Ain't that great?
Do you ever stop and think about that kind of shit?
I do! It's fun!
And it's interesting! And it's true!
Right this second, some guy is getting ready to bite the big bazooka!
Because statistics show that every year a million people commit suicide!
A million! That's 280 a day!
That's one every 30 seconds!
There goes another guy!
And I say "guy" because men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide!
Even though women attempt it more!
So men are better at it!
That's something else you girls are wanna be working on!
Well, if you wanna be truly equal, you're gonna have to start taking your own lives in greater numbers!
But I just think it's interesting to know...
..."interesting", that's a big word in this show for me...
...interesting to know that at any moment, the odds are good...
...that some guy is draggin' a chair across the garage floor...
...trying to get it right underneath that ceiling beam...
...don't want it to be too far off center. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right!
Somewhere else another guy is going over and getting a gun out of a chest of drawers...
Somebody else is opening up a brand new package of razorblades!
Maybe struggling with the cellophane a little bit, you know?
"Oh shit! There's always something! Goddam it!"
I just think that's interesting as hell!
That's probably the most interesting thing you can do with your life!
End it!
I don't think I could that, though! Could you? God!
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it!
But I understand it, you know? I think I do...
I don't wonder about it! I don't wonder: "Why did he do that?" "What was going through his mind?" You know what I wonder?
Where do you find the fucking time?
Who's got time to be committing suicide? Aren't you busy? I've got shit to do!
Suicide would be way down on my list...
...probably down past lighting my own house on fire!
Am I wanna try a little self-mutilation first?
You know? Take a couple of hunks out of my arm...
See if I like the general idea...!
Cause you gotta have priorities, man! You know? And you gotta have a plan, too, for something like that! Gotta plan that shit!
People don't just run out the house and jump off a bridge! There are things you have to decide!
Timing is important! When are you gonna do it?
"Welll, let me see it now...!"
"Wednesday's out. Gotta take Timmy to the circus...!"
"Survivors's on on Thursday!"
"Friday, I've got my colon cleansing..."
"Folks are coming over on Sunday..."
"Sunday...!"
By God, that'll be just the thing! Maybe Mum will find my body!
Serves her right for fucking me up the way she did!
Then you have to pick a method! How are you gonna do it?
Well, let me see it now...! I'm afraid of heights, that's no good!
Can't swallow pills, Don't like the sight of blood...!
Fucking ovens are electric...!
I'd lay out in front of a train, except damn track ain't coming through here in thirty goddam years!
Maybe I'll just take a gun and shoot myself in the mouth!
Huh... Suppose I miss!
People'll be laughing at me!
Suppose I live...! I'd have a big fucking hole in my head!
I'd have to wear some kind of dumbass hat!
Well, I guess I'll just hang myself! That'll be good!
Gotta get a rope&#