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i will not celebrate your passing
nor euphemise my eulogy
you're gone. you're gone and i can't see
a better place where you will be
that's not with me.

through casket glass i stare and dare not wonder how
you are still flesh
each curl and lash
in perfect order, yet
no longer filled.
you are still fresh inside my mind,
secret chuckle, crinkled eye,
crooked toes on creaking stairs
in the dead of the night.

i will be there as you descend,
with two teaspoons of vanilla ice cream
one to ease the bitter pills
the other 'cause you'll ask for another anyway.

paper gold paper home paper temple
we burn and turn over embers
remembering your fervour for life
and love and strength in strife
it feels surreal to watch you wheeled into the fire
admire the flames that drink the drops
hot off my cheek.

you always made a silly sniff
that made me giggle when you kissed
my forehead and i really wish i learnt the habit sooner
'cause it's time
and from tonight-

i cannot smell you back.

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