I don't know if you've heard the news but I'm a boy Who's got himself a problem so big it's no joy You see I've something that people claim Could bring me fortune and instant fame A face so ugly you could hardly blame Anybody here for saying so
I think I'll bury myself deep beneath the ground And come up only when there's no one else around And if by chance someone approaches me And that someone happens to be a she You can bet your life in time of worry I wouldn't hesitate but to be that way
Oh why can't girls just look at me and smile Instead of looking at me as though I will turn my head and before I go to bed Gaily underneath the blanket go
I've even wrote to Marjorie Proops, but she can't help The best that she could offer me was disguise yourself Well this I've done would you believe not twice But more than once in fact I think it was nice So much so when I'm inclined to hurry I wouldn't hesitate but to be that way-oh oh oh