Leroy: At words poetic, I'm so pathetic That I always have found it best, Instead of getting 'em off my chest, To let 'em rest unexpressed, I hate parading my serenading As I'll probably miss a bar, But if this ditty is not so pretty,
Both: At least it'll tell you how great you are.
Hiram: You're the top! Leroy, You're the Coliseum.
Leroy: You're the top! Oh, baby, You're the Louvre Museum. You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss!
Hiram: You're a Bendel bonnet,
Leroy: A Shakespeare's sonnet, You're Mickey Mouse! (hahahahaha!)
Hiram: You're the Nile,
Leroy: You're the Tower of Pisa,
Hiram: You're the smile
Leroy: On the Mona Lisa I'm a worthless check,
Hiram: A total wreck,
Both: A flop! But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!
Hiram: You're the top, Leroy!
Leroy: You're Mahatma Gandhi, Hiram!
Hiram: You're the top!
Leroy: You're Napoleon Brandy.
Both: You're the purple light Of a summer night in Spain,
Leroy: You're the National Gallery,
Hiram: You're Garbo's salary,
Both: You're cellophane!
Hiram: You're sublime,
Leroy: You're a turkey dinner!
Hiram: You're the time,
Leroy: Of a Derby winner! I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop!
Both: But if, baby, I'm the bottom, But if, baby, I'm the bottom, You're the top!
Both: You're the top!
Leroy: You're an arrow collar
Hiram: Leroy, You're the top! You're a Coolidge dollar,
Both: You're the nimble tread Of the feet of Fred Astaire,
Leroy: You're an O'Neill drama,
Hiram: You're Whistler's mama!
Leroy: You're camembert.
Hiram: You're a rose, You're Inferno's Dante,
Leroy: You're the nose, On the great Durante.
Hiram: I'm just in the way, As the French would say,
Both: "de trop"! But if, baby, I'm the bottom, But if, baby, I'm the bottom, But if, baby, I'm the bottom, You're the top!
Leroy: You're a Waldorf salad.
Hiram: You're just the top! You're a Berlin ballad.
Leroy: You're the boats that glide On the sleepy Zuider Zee,
Hiram: You're an old Dutch master,
Leroy: You're Lady Astor,
Hiram: Baby, you're broccoli!
Leroy: You're romance, You're the steppes of Russia,
Hiram: You're the pants, (purr), on a Roxy usher,
Both: I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop, But if, baby, I'm the bottom, But if, baby, I'm the bottom, But if, baby, I'm the bottom, You're the top!