VELMA Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and turn. TRACY Oh my god, Penny, there's Link, Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning! PENNY I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition! VELMA Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and, oh, Amber, look at this motly crew! oh this town has sure gone downhill since I was crowned miss... AMBER Oh, mother not more ancient history! VELMA Oh, my God how times have changed, these girls must be blind, or completely deranged! But, time seem to halt when I was Miss Baltimore Crabs. Amber, that move is far too dirty! AMBER Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930! VELMA You can laugh, but life's a test! Don't do this, don't do that! Remember, Mother knows best! And the crowns in the vault from when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs AMBER these steps are perfect ammunition. VELMA Let me show you how you Mommy dear took out the competition. Girls, go get them, boys lets rumba! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, Those poor runner ups might still hold some grudges They padded their cups But I screwed the judges! those broads thought they'd win if a plate they would spin in their dance..hahaha..not a chance boys, put me down! Oh, good morning ladies, lets see what you got! COUNCIL MEMBERS Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato, mambo! VELMA ready, begin On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or bump and grind! AMBER Whats that, a dance for flees and tics? VELMA Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks! Oh I hit the stage Batons ablaze While belting Aida and preparing SOUFLEES! But that triple somersault is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs! DANCE BREAK! VELMA Proceed. TAMMY Are you scared we're on live? TRACY No, I'm sure I can cope. AMBER Well, this show isn't broadcast in COUNCIL GIRLS Cinema scope! VELMA I never drink one chocolate malt no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs! AMBER This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes! VELMA Ha kid, she'll never get a date till daddy buys her a new nose! I would say Oi guevalt! if I wasn't miss Baltimore crabs AMBER Do you dance like you dress? LINK Amber, there's no need to be cruel VELMA would you swim in an integrated pool? TRACY I sure would! I'm all for integration! it's the new frontier! VELMA Not in Baltimore, it isn't! and may i be frank first impressions can be tough and when i saw you i knew it if your size weren't enough your last answer just blew it! and so my dear so short and stout you'll never be in so were kicking you out! with your form and your fate oh, it isn't your fault! just down with a case of Miss Baltimore Crabs ergh you may go TRACY Ummm...Thank you PENNY I think they secretly liked you! LIL INEZ May I please audition? VELMA Of course not but u can bow and exalt cuz i am miss Baltimore crabs! COUNCIL GIRLS crabs, crabs, crabs