I found it burning on the blank side of your love's constantly alluding, degenerative faculty. Where all that you ask of me is keep misery company. Good days are sedative only enough to relinquish the previous day’s idea of pain. There is a peace in the longing. Somehow quietly suggesting life is promised, if my teeth would stop grinding. I can't even say my name in our love story. I pass over myself. Im still holding on to jaded anxiety and a drastic exhaustive inability to let go.
(I'm running out...) I bet you find me eating glass for introspection. (of rocks for my anger...) I bet you find me peeling up my skin. (to break all the locks...) I bet you find me unattainably lost (that keep me held...) I bet you find me strung out by four limbs (in my casket!)
Lest the wiretap defect my brain, the date is the only thing I feel will change. I have lived my life unsure of the name that will be carved into my grave.
Most nights I would love to die. So ashes thrown to the winds as far as I can feel.
I am every star you can't see at midnight. White holes in black canvas, carved into nothingness. What makes this life worth it? Aren't we all scared of this? White wash the rooms and watch the wind chimes and dead birds fall to the ground with an eerie sound distinct to beauty in melody. Forgotten and left to die. Mind numbing pressure cracks the sidewalks into the outlines of the bodies left to wash out in violent rains like love for each other.
At home with love, regret, and hiding from the fear of myself. Imbibing deprecation just so I can blame my health. My fingers wrapped around the pen like all the lies I tell. My heart has left me here tonight:
Less sure than death. More dark than Hell.
I know you won't, so I will sit here and feel bad for myself. At least from far away, you won't see where I hang myself. A simple shade can't extinguish all the desert heat, in the way the glass turns black with just a drop of ink. I can do so little. Have I done it all well? My scars are so much worse than what my arms can tell. I can do so little and i've done none of it well. I've been bleeding longer than my scars can tell.