Martha Dumptruck took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge last night holding a suicide note. Oh my God. Is she dead—? Just some broken bones. Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.
Yo girl, keep it together I knew you would come far Now you’re truly a Heather Smell how gangsta you are.
Martha, I’m so sorry?
Yo girl, feel a bit punchy? She’s not looking so well Still, you’ve earned that red scrunchie Come join Heather in hell
Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick! Your friend JD stopped by. He told us everything? ‘Everything’ Your depression? Your thoughts of suicide? He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick. He’s got your handwriting down cold. Please, honey. Talk to us! No, you wouldn’t understand! Try me! I’ve experienced everything you’re going through right now.
Guess who’s right down the block? You’re problems seem like life and death— Guess who’s climbing the stairs? I promise, they’re not. Guess who’s picking your lock? You don’t know what my world looks like! Time’s up! Go say your prayers! What did I say?!
Veronica’s running on, running on fumes now Veronica’s totally fried Veronica’s gotta be trippin’ on ‘schrooms now, Thinking that she can hide Veronica’s done for, there’s no doubt now, Notify next of kin! Veronica’s trying to keep him out now Too late! He got in!
Knock! Knock! Sorry to come through the window. Dreadful etiquette, I know!