remembering how it used to feel and what it feels like now nothing much has changed i lack feeling, i lack purpose i’m scared things will stay the same i fear that things will always stay the same i’m living every day with my emotions drawing blanks keeping me rooted in routine is the only way i tolerate i’ve got nothing left to offer and nothing more to gain i’m left to disintegrate disintegrate i can’t cope with the ambiguity of finding my purpose and i don’t know if i even have one at all i want to find more to care about in my life, and what it feels like sensing nothing at all towards the things that happen to me i see the water moving at my feet look through the surface to what’s moving underneath at different angles i’m the only thing i see the flow of it all continues on all around me when i gaze into my future’s probability my sights are too focused on keeping my mind at ease my mind constantly filled with apathy not knowing what to do about all my deficiencies i have never had the feeling that i was placed here for a reason i’ve been separating from myself the long drive through changing seasons i’ve taken short cuts and they’ve brought me no closer to home being told it’s the only way to go, wandering alone and i know without a doubt i’ll see better things taking the scenic route and I know without a doubt i'll see better things in myself and I know without a doubt i'll see better things taking the scenic route