getting to the bottom of it I feel sad, lonely, abused and overworked "don't focus on it, carry on as usual" but I can't when it leaves every bit of me feeling empty, raped and degraded and it takes and it takes and it takes and it takes and takes and when it's done leaves me starving, shamed and violated feeling less than human. "alienated like a son of a bitch" questioning myself and everyone around me and why do these thoughts flow like silk from my lips? why do they wretch themselves into my throat with such deadening ease and a sense of entitlement? I probably shouldn't listen to 'em though, 'cause it hasn't got me out from under this 20 car 20 car pile up where I'm stuck... feeling as gritty as the asphalt that caught my fall. my whole world is changing every minute and there is not enough time for me to collect myself before another piece of my character will be swept into the undertow the overwhelming financial, emotional, and spiritual debt that we're all dying in... leaves me feeling like nothing new, and nothing to write home about. I am grossly overestimated, and rightfully judged. this brain never works enough to keep up with the constant barrage of negativity thank the gods of forgetfulness for blessing me with 25 minutes and stage for me to turn myself inside out on for me to expose my tar covered parts to the crowd with, and thusly... I will never know if I am cursed, I will never know why we are not going to hell, but stuck in it now. you will start a doubt in yourself you will start watching their feet you will start hating their voices and you will give in to their tyranny you will find comfort in their recognition you will be used until you're bled and dry you'll become addicted to jealous slandering you'll believe that you are perfect and right I pray for food but god's a real prick I know he'd off me in a second if he had his way after all I am worse off than the lowest of the low I know, because since birth he taught me... He always does this shit. You will be remembered by only your failures you will be crushed by the oppressive ceiling you will be nothing and watch the world turn and in the end you will know what it looks like from the fucking bottom.