“Ugh. Hey, shitstain, if I’m going to be doing this for you you’d better at least be watching.”
“What the hell am I supposed to be watchin’, again? You’re just muddlin’ around with the stupid monitor. Don’t tell me you’re requiring some kinda supervision or somefin.”
“As if I need your ‘super-vision’, fishface. You can hardly see two feet in front of your own crooked nose without those stupid hipster specs.” [Sollux flicks at Eridan’s glasses, snorts.]
“Ow-! Hey, fuck you Sol! I don’t gotta sit around and take this shit from the likes a you.” [Eridan crosses his arms, getting huffy]
“You know, I was going to show you how to run a virus scan all by yourself so you’re not / calling me at two in the afternoon to fix your shit,/ but screw this. I’m out.” [shuts Eridan’s
laptop and makes for the door. ]
“Hey! Where do ya think you’re runnin off to like that? I already paid you to fuckin fix my
computer, Captor, so fix it! And while you’re at it, wash yourself off before touchin my stuff with your scummy lowblood hands, or I’ll deduct it from your salary. ” [Eridan sniffs, unimpressed.] “Cod only knows where they’ve been.”
“Hey E.D, back the fuck off with that /casteist shit/ before I add a flexible voyeurism fee for shits and giggles. Not to mention I can hack your bank account faster than you can say “lovve me fef”,” [mocking Eridan’s accent, sneering and holding back a smirk] “So don’t even try to skimp me on my dues.”
“How /dare/ you, you shitty pissblooded—“ [rounds on Sollux with a fist but Sol catches it with a clap, slams it down with an audible thump.]
“What’s the matter, shorty?” [Sol smirks and tuts, leaning in close and whispering.] “Still touchy that you couldn’t hang onto your /gillfriend/?”
“Don’t you fishpun at me with your disgustin mustard lips” [Eridan hissing and furious, fists balled up but he knows better than to swing] “I’ll give ya to tha count a three to let go of my precious fuckin’ hand you lowblooded scum, or so help me I’ll fuckin’ give ya hell.”
“Oh I’m sure you’re plenty occupied with my mustard lips.” [Sollux chuckling, holding Eridan’s hand down still. He runs his tongue over his lips to taunt him, arching his brows in mock-surprise] “Go ahead and surprise me, Ampora. Come on, give it your best shot.”
[Eridan grinds his teeth, growls, snaps the words.] “If I wasn’t such a upstandin high-class gentletroll you’d be bits to bits you fuckin prick.”
“Oh I’m sure.”
“Quit fuckin’ /mockin/’ me!”
“Your threats have me trembling in my little bee undies, E.D., they really do.” [leans in close,
murmuring] “but you still have to back your bark up with some bite.” [chomps down his teeth in Eridan’s ear.]
[Eridan pauses, suddenly confused.] “Are you…are you comin on to me?”
[Sollux snorts and recoils, mood broken. Releases Eridan’s hand.] “Wow ED way to keep it subtle.”
“No, fuck, you /were/, weren’t you?!” [incredulous, slow grin spreads across his face] “you were makin’ black solicitations, don’t try to deny it, Captor!”
[Sparks start crackling around his eyes as he spits and fumes.] “Yeah, Eridan, yeah, I was /
blackflirting/. I was making the /hate-date/ implications. I was squirming in my little bee undies over a stupid wiggler-brained /seadweller/ with a warbling issue.” [snorts, calming down. Rolls his eyes and folds his arms.] “like you would ever catch on. If you were a hoofbeast in a race, ED, you’d be crossing the finish line after the fucking grandstands had been closed for two seasons.”
“No need to get those bee undies in bunch, Sol.” [Eridan is smug as anything, can barely keep the haughty sneer from his voice.] “All ya had to do was say so.”
“UGH you stupid SHITSTAIN—“ [Sollux crushes their faces together, fumbling with Eridan’s hair and glasses as he growls heavy against the seadweller’s lips.]