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The Bee King’s Consort (Sollux <3 Nepeta)

by giganticgnostic

NEPETA: AC cautiously enters the lair of the dreaded bee king, hoping not to wake the mighty monarch and incur his wrath!

SOLLUX: What the? Oh, it’s just you, AC. Look, I don’t mind you being in here, but I’m not gonna RP with you. I’m busy right now.

NEPETA: AC goes completely still. The bee king stirs! But it appears that he is in a benevolent mood. AC respectfully bows and patiently awaits for purrmission to speak.

SOLLUX: Seriously, Nepeta, I told you, I’m not about to RP or larp or do any of that weird fantasy bullshit with you. I’ve got a lot of shit on my plate right now, and as usual, I’m the only one who seems concerned about getting the important work done around here. I’m not asking you to leave, but if you’re gonna be in here, please just keep it down, okay?

NEPETA: AC tilts her head, noticing that the king is toiling away at some very boring-looking work. Clearly this pointless business is what has caused him to be in his incredibly sour mood!

SOLLUX: Okay, first off, there is nothing more irritatingly passive-aggressive than making comments like that through your roleplaying nonsense, so just cut that shit out right the fuck now. Second, bee king? Are you serious? Not only do I find that needlessly insulting, but also, bees don’t fucking have kings, any grub could tell you that.

NEPETA: AC pawnders the situation heavily for a few moments, and decides that there is only one way to save the bee king from his grumpiness!

SOLLUX: Look, I didn’t want to have to do this, but if you’re gonna keep- …hey! What the hell are you doing?!

NEPETA: AC perches delicately atop the bee king’s frivolous “work” and stretches out luxuriously before his majesty.

SOLLUX: What the hell?! Seriously, get off of my fucking keyboard, you’re gonna break it!

NEPETA: Now that AC has gotten the bee king’s attention, she looks up at him and says in her most regal voice, “Oh mighty bee king, I have come before you with a request!”

SOLLUX: Look, AC, I’ll humor you and listen to your dumb requests or whatever, just get off my keyboard, okay?!

NEPETA: AC shakes her head fur-iously. “First, you must listen to my request!” AC raises her rear into the air determinedly.

SOLLUX: Dammit, get off my keyboard, and get your butt out of my face! What the hell?!

NEPETA: AC again shakes her head. “Mighty bee king, my request is a very dire one! For you see, I am in heat, and require someone to help relieve my primal urges!” AC wiggles her rear seductively before the bee king.

SOLLUX: …okay, there are so many things wrong with what you just said. First of all, why the hell would a cat seek out a bee, royal or otherwise, if she was in heat? Wouldn’t it make more sense to find another cat?

NEPETA: “But, mighty bee king-!”

SOLLUX: Secondly, if I’m supposed to be some kind of king, why would I deign to sleep with a random cat? Unless you’re some kind of cat queen, the class hierarchy doesn’t work in your favor at all.

NEPETA: “But-”

SOLLUX: At any rate, this whole thing is pointless, because I’m not about to RP some bee-on-cat smut with you. I can’t stand that crap normally, and what you’re suggesting just sounds all sorts of messed up.

NEPETA: (dropping the act) Sollux…

SOLLUX: And regardless, you still need to get your ass out of my face, and get the hell off my keyboard!

NEPETA: SOLLUX!

SOLLUX: What?!

NEPETA: I’m not just roleplaying.

SOLLUX: …what?

NEPETA: I came here for a reason, Sollux.

SOLLUX: Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?

NEPETA: I’m not waving my butt in your face for no reason, silly! Touch it, please? I’m really in heat here, and… well, I want you to touch it.

SOLLUX: What the hell? Having a ”hot booty” doesn’t trump lying on my keyboard. Now get off, or I’ll get you off. (P

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