I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (BBC 4) - 2006, series 47 - Halifax 1 | Текст песни

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• I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (BBC 4)
• 2006, series 47 - Halifax 1

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I wonder what Michael Winner thinks of himself?
[ Is this the queue for the Anthony Worrel-Thompson poetry reading? Not broadcast]
Do you want fries with that, Your majesty?
Mr. Henman, Would you like our catalogue of trophy cabinets?
[ I imagine parking's no problem, is it? Not broadcast
Would Mr. Cryer like anything before we close the bar?
[ I wonder why Quote, Unquote has never won a comedy award? Not broadcast]
Not the Boutros Boutros-Ghali?
[ Do you know why they repeat The Goodies so often? Not broadcast]
Have you got a copy of Dignity & Discretion by The Hamiltons?
[ So, which of you is doing Menzies Campbell on Stars In Their Eyes? Not broadcast]
[ Fancy an ice cream, Captain Scott? Not broadcast]
Why can't we see more of Ant and Dec?
[ Is George Galloway completely mad? Not broadcast]
Do you get your Ferrero Rochet at the petrol station like the rest of us, Ambassador?
[ Why is James Blunt in America, when he should be here? Not broadcast]
Could I interest you in a low-cost, affordable loan, Mrs. Mills-McCartney?
Have you got it sung by Jeremy Hardy?

OK, the teams are going to sing for us now, in the game called One Song to the Tune of Another. You'd need to have been cut off from normal life for the past thirty years not to know how this works by now...so teams, listen up. A song is rather like a microscope. The vertical tube represents the tune, which carries the lenses, or words. These are assembled with precision to enable us to see the object, or hear the song. However, a song can be broken down into its component parts by separating the words from the tune, just as a microscope can have its lenses prised from the tube with pliers. I know what you're thinking teams: Wouldn't that be a case of wanton vandalisim inflicted on a delicate instrument? At the piano we have Colin Sell...

This Old Man to the tune of Summertime
Bermuda Triangle to the tune of Lilly Marlene
Killing Me Softly With His Song to the tune of The Bear Necessities
Blowing In The Wind to the tune of Day Trip To Bangor

http://www.g0akh.f2s.com/isihac/Complete_Childrens_Stories_Page.php

Dear Mona,

Do you like to see the beautiful vista from the studio of myself, or would you rather visit Michaelangelo, who is a very close friend of Dorothy? Nevertheless, you would be delighted to experience the ambience of his studio which he built himself by hand and foot. As you know, I am a talented painter and would like to paint the other wall [ which is over there Not broadcast]. Do you want to come and visit me at my studio?

Waiting for you reply on paper.

Yours affectionately, yet lustfully,
Leonardo da Vinci.

Oh Leonardo,

How I jumped at the thought of visiting your lovely little studio with a view of getting your trousers down, and [also showing me a picture of a small, yet big and appetising piece of flesh, but Not broadcast] I am hoping that you will make my day by smiling at me so I can smile back at you [comma] smiling is so lovely when I see you smiling with your trousers down around your ankles, bending over and smiling that lovely sideways smile at me, but don't think you can get away with anything worse that, because my Mother will be here as a chaperone. I will come with a bag of turnips, and we will eat all of them together in ecstasy and wonderful agony as you push me toward the turnip. I must say that this letter is one of the most exciting things I have ever written in my room.

Sincerely,
Mona Lisa.

http://www.g0akh.f2s.com/isihac/Song_Book_Page.php#bathroom