Jerome K. Jerome - Three Men in a Boat - 1-01 Ch. 1-3 Expedition Plans (аудиокнига) | Текст песни

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• Jerome K. Jerome - Three Men in a Boat
• 1-01 Ch. 1-3 Expedition Plans (аудиокнига)

CHAPTER I.
Three invalids. - Sufferings of George and
Harris. - A victim to one hundred and seven fatal
maladies. - Useful prescriptions. - Cure for liver
complaint in children. - We agree that we are overworked, and
need rest. - A week on the rolling deep? - George
suggests the River. - Montmorency lodges an
objection. - Original motion carried by majority of three to
one.
There were four of us - George, and William Samuel Harris,
and myself, and Montmorency. We were sitting in my room,
smoking, and talking about how bad we were - bad from a
medical point of view I mean, of course.
We were all feeling seedy, and we were getting quite nervous
about it. Harris said he felt such extraordinary fits of
giddiness come over him at times, that he hardly knew what he was
doing; and then George said that he had fits of giddiness
too, and hardly knew what he was doing. With me, it
was my liver that was out of order. I knew it was my liver
that was out of order, because I had just been reading a patent
liver-pill circular, in which were detailed the various symptoms
by which a man could tell when his liver was out of order.
I had them all.
It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent
medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion
that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt
with in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in
every case to correspond exactly with all the sensations that I
have ever felt.

I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the
treatment for some slight ailment of which I had a
touch - hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book,
and read all I came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I
idly turned the leaves, and began to indolently study diseases,
generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged
into - some fearful, devastating scourge, I know - and,
before I had glanced half down the list of "premonitory
symptoms," it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got
it.
I sat for awhile, frozen with horror; and then, in the
listlessness of despair, I again turned over the pages. I
came to typhoid fever - read the symptoms - discovered
that I had typhoid fever, must have had it for months without
knowing it - wondered what else I had got; turned up St.
Vitus's Dance - found, as I expected, that I had that
too, - began to get interested in my case, and determined to
sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically - read
up ague, and learnt that I was sickening for it, and that the
acute stage would commence in about another fortnight.
Bright's disease, I was relieved to find, I had only in a
modified form, and, so far as that was concerned, I might live
for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and
diphtheria I seemed to have been born with. I plodded
conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only
malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's
knee.
I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to
be a sort of slight. Why hadn't I got
housemaid's knee? Why this invidious
reservation? After a while, however, less grasping feelings
prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady
in the pharmacology, and I grew less selfish, and determined to
do without housemaid's knee. Gout, in its most
malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being
aware of it; and zymosis I had evidently been suffering with from
boyhood. There were no more diseases after zymosis, so I

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