Jimmy Kimmel: Oh, Hi Sarah. It’s been a long time. I guess you’ve been…busy with…Matt Damon. I’ve been busy too. I’ve been thinking about us, and you and him and, I’m happy for you. I really am. He’s a great guy. I mean he’s the sexiest man alive. I found somebodye pretty sexy too. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but…I’m fucking Ben Affleck!
Ben Affleck: He’s fucking Ben Affleck.
Jimmy Kimmel: While you and Matt are swappin’ spit. I said I’m fucking Ben Affleck!
Ben Affleck: He said he’s fucking Ben Affleck. Hey Sarah, he’s got bigger tits.
Jimmy Kimmel: They’re not hairy though, right?
Ben Affleck: No…
Brad Pitt: Excuse me…Is someone here…fucking Ben Affleck?
Jimmy Kimmel: I am! I’m fucking him!
Brad Pitt: Great, sign here.
Jimmy Kimmel: Thank you. [Reads cake] Congratulations on fucking Ben Affleck.
Crowd & Ben: Ahhhh….
Brad Pitt: What did you wish for?
Jimmy Kimmel & Ben Affleck: When we’re together there’s this feeling inside. It’s like a million butterflies flutterin’ in my behind. I love the dimples in your chin, I see diamonds in your eyes. When I’m fucking you Ben Affleck I feel like I can fly. And our fucking won’t be stopped no matter how hard they try.
Ben Affleck: They can’t stop it.
Jimmy Kimmel: They can’t stop it.
Joan Jett: You won’t tear them apart. You can’t stop this love affair, cause they love f-u-c-k-i-n-g.
Robin Williams: This is not a man crush. He’s fucking our friend Ben.
Don Cheadle: And so we all…we all hope Matt will understand…
Everyone: He’s fucking Ben
Pete Wentz & Dominic Monaghan: Fucking Ben Affleck
Perry Farrell: Yeah, Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.
Everyone: Just like prison.
Macy Gray: He’s fucking Ben…Ben Affleck’s his guy.
Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Oh, it’s through the fucking night and day…
Lance Bass: Just ask Huey!
Cameron Diaz: Okay, I’ll ask him Huey, did you see them fuck at all?
Huey Luis: Yes, I saw them fuck. They were in a bathroom stall.
Everyone: He’s fucking Ben. He’s fucking Ben Affleck!
Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison!
Meatloaf & Everyone: He’s fucking Ben. Ben Affleck’s his guy!
Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Do the fucking every way.
Dicky Barrett: Just ask Don Cheadle!
Don Cheadle: Ooohhhh ooohhh ooohhh he’s fucking Ben.
Everyone: He’s fucking Ben Affleck!
[Harrison Ford blows a kiss to Ben and Jimmy]
Everyone: Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.
Christina Applegate & Rebecca Romijn: Just like prison!
Everyone: He’s fucking Ben! Fucking Ben Affleck. Jimmy’s the one who’s fucking Ben Affleck like they’re in prison. He’s fucking Ben. Ben Affleck’s his guy!
Huey Luis & Cameron Diaz: They’ve been making sweet sweet love, Ben and Jimmy!