'When was the last time that you were truly happy,' she said, 'when were we last happy'
the rocket bucked, breaching my eyelids open, my dreams about the past were worse than my nightmares, I looked out of the cockpit the different reflections of light were a kaleidoscope like an oil slick mirage on an overbearingly warm day back in New York.
'I think I just need to find myself,' I said I don't know who I am anymore I don't know what's important to me anymore'
'Just go, leave, like you always do' she screamed as she wrestled my clothes into a bag chucked it into my chest and pushed me out the door all the while I mumbled to myself promised that I would return one day
And as I landed, the man on the moon, the smoke evaporated into the atmosphere and all the video units lit up, first whites then shadow and colour came in my wife and her new husband smiling at me on their wedding day 'I hope you found yourself honey, I sure found me' I shouted something violently ineffable in return knowing transmission wasn't two way and stepped out onto the baron wasteland, nothing on the horizon no buildings, no hum of late running buses, no aimless people chatter, no you
and it was only in this moment that I sincerely recognized the purpose of mankind that as people we only exist as mere particles our design to react with other molecules and I looked out, saw no-one and began a desolate scream